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I’ve long been a fan of @scottthepainter on Instagram, and while my scheduled traumaversary post went out last week, I was enjoying the interpretation @hmm.tattoo put on my arm of one of my favourite Scott Erickson images.

It’s the image of Day 30 in the Prayer: Forty Days of Practice book that Scott Erickson published with Justin McRoberts. It’s paired with the prayer, “May the urgency with which I approach my work never become anxiety. The world is not mine to save.”

Honestly, the image speaks so much more to me than just that – which is kinda the whole point of that prayer book pairing simple sentences with images. That was one of the first books on prayer that I bought early into my journey four years ago that led to my current list of over seventy books on prayer as I engage with the God of the universe and plead for my miraculous healing alongside the even more miraculous healing of some hearts I’ve encountered in the depths of brokenness.

I’m not healed yet, but I still believe in a God who raised Jesus from the dead and listens to my prayers. Each day I live is a triumph over an enemy that says I’m only the work that I do and if I don’t do enough I’ve not earned a place deserving of human dignity. God says I’m enough; God says I’m worth it. And God is using my prayers to grow me and change the world around me. I get to be part of a wider story.

That wider story includes this Portland hipster being invited to live in Christchurch while still waiting for God to heal her body. That wider story includes me boldly declaring that God is still actively at work in my life despite the fact I still need a wheelchair and battle with the ongoing complications of my spinal cord injury. Those complications, by the way, are a constantly shifting goalpost as I make the most of what energy and ability I wake up with each day. I wrote briefly about the introduction of more botox and surgery as a prescribed path, but I need to clarify that’s not an immediate or guaranteed option. As my friend Hannah used to say, full healing is still Plan A, but there are plans B, C, D, and so on lined up on the table for me to evaluate with a team of medical professionals.

This past Thursday, I went to another neuro-physio appointment and had a really good follow up conversation with the specialist who met me the week before my botox, saw drastic improvements the month after, and then read over the file the panel had written up last week. She had a lot of holistic insights that were super helpful and encouraging as I continue to move forward with the big picture of my life and recovery options medically speaking. I’m still being recommended for the botox as a diagnostic next step, but that won’t happen until May at the earliest. Then there are more evaluations before surgery is determined.

In the meantime, I still pray.

There is a very real scenario in which this accident eleven years ago could have derailed my whole life. Well, from some perspectives, it did. What I see when I look back is a triumph over the trauma that wanted to end my life. To this day, I’m haunted by the patient I met in the rehab who was recovering from a stroke and complained all day everyday. Every word out of his mouth was negative except for when he told me he liked being around me because I was a positive person. I avoided him at all costs when I saw him in the hallways – he was a life sucker, and the wildest part to me was that the doctors had given a prognosis of 100% recovery. It would just be a couple of months for him and he would walk out of that hospital as an able bodied person with no repercussions. I wheeled out months later and am still largely based out of a wheelchair. Without a divine intervention in his life, I have zero doubts that I have a better life than him today.

By the grace of God, my whole story is one of divine intervention despite the fact I’m waiting for that final fulfilment which means I can leave the wheelchair and braces behind.

In the meantime… I got brand new braces on Friday. The wheelchair is still in the works too.

I had to run an errand at the beach after picking up my braces, and I sat myself in the shade under the ramp to the pier for a few minutes just to watch the waves and thank God for the independence to get there and enjoy creation. Then I caught the bus back into town and went to work.

My trauma is pretty significant, and I still have plenty to process through. Fortunately, I got some really good progress in this past week with my counsellor and my member care person. I sit in confidence of my triumph – of God’s triumph over this. He will not be robbed of his glory, and my prayer, as always, is to see him glorified through my story. My birthday prayer requests will come out next week, and I hope you’ll all mark your calendars for my Super Birthday Prayer Day on the 4th of February – in the meantime, we still pray.