I finally made it to Christmas break. It was a bit touch and go at the end, but I took it one day at a time. Actually, to be completely honest, I was taking it about ten minutes at a time. I wrote a post a long time ago ripping of my friend Q’s idea about how some days all she can do is take a breath and get through the next ten minutes.
I post a lot of vivid details about my life on the internet, but I’m not going to air out any grievances related to the stressors of the past week on a public forum. I listened to a super convicting sermon online today that included an anecdote of a man filling out a crossword and asked the people around him, “What is a four letter word for a strong emotional reaction toward a difficult person?” One person first responds, “Hate,” but another pipes in, “No! Love.”
I’m trying to respond in love this week to the difficulties around me. I had a really difficult meeting at the end of the day on Friday and just a couple hours later I found myself sitting the Lutheran church looking at the large sculpture of Jesus hanging on the cross. I remember growing up being repulsed by the high church tradition of displaying Jesus on the cross. “He’s not there! He rose from the dead!” I’d indignantly shout to anyone around me. I didn’t like to look at that gross, feeble body dying for my sins. This week as I sat in the church during my choir rehearsal, I couldn’t look away. Jesus did that willingly for me, and I was reminded of a conversation with my friend Michele about the pain she’s been going through over the past several weeks.
We’re both rationally hoping to avoid pain, but in the midst, we’re looking for the ways we can learn more about Jesus. I’m honestly still processing through all of my last couple months, but I’m treasuring the lessons that make me a better teacher, a better friend, and a more mature Christ follower.
I feel a weird need to apologize for yet another week with no physical progress, but for some health updates, I did start a regimen of antibiotics on Friday in preparation for another round of Botox on Tuesday. I’m looking forward to it – I’m like a pro now headed into my third time with this treatment. I’m not looking forward to the medical paperwork that’s already started with it, but I can just message my friend Kari to commiserate about our insurance that we are actually grateful for because a lot of stuff is covered despite all the hassle of claims and payments.
I have a whole lot of stuff I’m hoping to accomplish over this break, but I can’t think too far ahead or I lose sight of what’s in front of me. I’m going to stick with the ten minute increments to accomplish what I need to get done. Now that a couple ten minute slots have been spent on this, I’m headed to bed to rest up for a day of one task at a time. Please pray that my body will get some much needed sleep – I’ve spent nearly four hours laying awake in bed the past two nights waiting for my leg spasms to settle before getting just three to four hours of sleep.
