Whenever I post about the dirty details related to a medical inconvenience I have, I get loads of comments and recommendations from people around the world with no experience with paralysis who want to offer advice. That’s very nice, but it’s also very frustrating. I have access to lots of medical professionals, and I take all my problems to them. Due to that, I refrain from posting all the details of my bladder infections, leg spasms, diarrhea, stomach cramps, shoulder pains, et cetera publicly on the internet.
To be honest, I considered posting about some of those dirty details here this week, but it would have come out as an angry diatribe against voyeuristic gawkers who follow my story to make themselves feel better about not being disabled or something. That’s not healthy for anyone.
I’m trying to get healthy – both in my writing and in my body. There’s different things I can do to achieve each of those goals, and here the most important thing is to present truth to you without anger. The truth is, being paralyzed sucks. There are really frustrating complications due to nerve damage, and it makes my life really difficult while occupying much of my time and energy. I took a lot of time to focus on just the basics of living well last week, and I only barely achieved it.
Here’s another important truth: I wouldn’t trade my paralysis for anything. Listen closely, I want to get more function, but I don’t want to lose the story God has written with my life so far. The messiest, most frustrating day paralysis wise last week was shared with one of the most amazing God-moments of the week when two students came over for nachos and asked me about how God had been at work in my life before bringing me to Germany and since my accident. Simultaneous to experiencing burning pain on sensitive skin due to nerve damage and bacterial warfare, I listened to a class of kids discuss the significance of Jesus in salvation over the nuances of Calvinism and Arminianism which led them to explore experiences of the Holy Spirit in the world today.
Final dirty detail: I really look forward to heaven. In his final weeks on earth, my grandpa would wake up and cry that he wasn’t in heaven yet. He’d lived a full and beautiful life, and he just wanted to go home. I don’t wake up with the exact same mindset, but I’m aware of the reality that heaven is a much better place than earth. I know in heaven I won’t have any of these nerve damaged messes. However, I know on earth I get to share Jesus which is the delight of every Calvinist or Arminian (though with nuanced different motives). Like Abel, Enoch, Noah, Abraham and the others, I look ahead to the heavenly country, to the city whose architect and builder is God (Hebrews 11). Like all those heroes of the faith, I will keep my eyes on the things above where Christ is, and like they did, I will do everything, whether in word or deed, in the name of Jesus (Colossians 3). You see, those people whose eyes are fixed on Jesus are some of the most productive world changers while alive here on earth. Watch out.
