This week has been incredible – thank you to all of you who fasted along with me and prayed for my ongoing recovery. I still want it all, and I’m still asking for everything everyday. This week I saw some amazing improvements as I ventured outside my house for the first time without my braces. I walked short distances and managed to keep my heels lower on the ground as they made contact with each slow step. The accompanying emotional highs were great, and I was able to share them with many of my friends and students here. One of my students noticed that I showed up at graduation on Saturday wearing a pair of Toms tucked under my blanket. We celebrated together at family group when I walked up the stairs at the Campbell’s in a pair of Nikes. It’s still not safe for me to take any steps in the Toms, and I have to be careful even the tennis shoes I have because my ankles are still not in my control. (Shout out to any Nike friends who want to hook an Oregon girl up with some high tops – I’m a size 8.5!) I’m praising God for this massive improvement though as I make literal strides away from assistive devices.
This Friday I showed up to therapy without my braces, and Anja helped me to stand on a balance board as we worked my core and stretched my legs. Always game for a new adventure, she next had me hold her arms and take a couple warm up steps before moving her arms to my waist and asking me to try to take steps without holding her. I’d find my balance, move a leg, grab Anja to keep from falling over, and try again with the next leg. It was exhausting work for both of us, but exhilarating too. It reminded me of those five steps back in July last summer in the massive baby walker without any sticks. I want more of those.
I’m chasing after those highs, and I’m working hard to make them more normal in my life, but there is still nerve damage I can’t ignore. Amidst this awesomeness this week, I also dealt with a pretty nasty infection which brought some physical and emotional lows. I’ll keep the details to myself, but you can trust me there was a lot of physical discomfort and clean up required.
The mess I woke up to this morning doesn’t invalidate any of my progress or achievements this week, but it reminds me of the paradox in which I live. The kingdom of God is already but not yet – that’s what I taught my students in my Old Testament survey course. I live in a broken body, a soul redeemed and waiting for redemption. I still fully believe I can have a healed body in my life on this earth before glorification, but I don’t want my body to be the end of the story. I want my healing to be a message of God’s power and glory. I’m asking for a lot of things – I’m asking for full muscle control, for nerves to reconnect and remember how to send messages, for free Nikes, but all of that is secondary to the request that God be glorified. I want to be lower so that he can be higher; like John said, “He must increase, but I must decrease” (John 3:30 ESV).
