“My eyes fail from weeping,
I am in torment within;
my heart is poured out on the ground
because my people are destroyed,
because children and infants faint
in the streets of the city.”
Lamentations 2:11
My literary hero died this week. He taught me a lot of things as I studied his work in college and continue to read what he has shared with the world. He bore witness to horrible atrocities, and he felt a responsibility to speak up. He once said, “The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.”
I want to be an agent of love, an ambassador of True Love in a broken world. I’m not sure how to best do that. Elie Wiesel survived death camps and died with dignity decades later, but Alton Sterling and Philando Castile had their lives cut short in a country fraught with racism. That breaks my heart. As someone who was born with white privilege, there is a lot I lack in experiential understanding, but I grieve with my African American friends. I am so sorry, and I love you.
There’s no way to tastefully segue from systemic racism in America to my disabled expat experience, so I’m not going to try to connect the two. As this is a place for updates on my ongoing recovery, I’ll still let you know a few of those details from this week.
Monday Helen invited me over for dinner and graciously offered to power wash my dirty wheelchair that had collected dirt on the carriage all winter long. She helped me walk without braces from her car through a wildly uneven and unpaved patch to enjoy the view of Malsburg as we celebrated that I was able to manage the rough terrain.
Tuesday I worked with Margot yet again on my stiff and stubborn ankles. She spent time loosening and moving them as I thought through the motions and worked to send signals between my brain and my foot. It’s a long and arduous process, but I’m hopeful for magnificent results if I’m patient.
Wednesday Hunter and Michele took me to the baths again and we spent time relaxing in the warm water as well as testing out what my muscles could do without fighting gravity so hard. Hunter taught me a few exercises to do when I return without him since they insist upon leaving Germany for a year.
Thursday I pushed myself hard learning my limits as I set out from my house with Cindy to see how far I could walk without my braces. I made it to the bauhof again before I had Cindy push me home in my wheelchair. I’m determined to reach Hammerstein in a year (it’s just under two miles).
Everyday bring something new – highs and lows. Through it all, I’m hopeful that I am a responsible representative of Love. I’m still asking God to work miracles of healing in my body, but that doesn’t mean I can’t also ask him for miracles of healing in my home country.
“Arise, cry out in the night,
as the watches of the night begin;
pour out your heart like water
in the presence of the Lord.
Lift up your hands to him
for the lives of your children,
who faint from hunger
at every street corner.”
Lamentations 2:19
