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I don’t have the easiest life, but I do love how I’ve been put in a place where I can thrive in spite of my limitations. I’m also incredibly grateful for the whānau God has put around me to help me out when I hit my limits.

This past Monday, I had a consultation with the better urologist at the spinal hospital, and I brought along my friend Christy to help me advocate for myself. Actually, Christy offered to give me a ride, and she really didn’t need to do much in the consultation. The doctor and nurse present both quickly agreed that the symptoms of the past few months did, in fact, require the botox I expected. I should receive a letter with a date for the procedure in October.

While it would have been nice to get the injections back in May like I’d hoped, I’m grateful to know there’s a more sympathetic doctor who will do the procedure in the next couple of months. Christy was a bit disappointed to hear they don’t put me under in NZ like they do in Switzerland though.

We went from that appointment to life group, and I was able to celebrate with my whole group the progress forward in my treatment. I’m still living in the very real tension of pursuing this medical treatment while asking God to intervene and remove the need for botox. For now, I’ll try to live well with this limitation that my spastic bladder creates.

It is a huge limitation to me, and that was in high contrast as I was reflecting on my ability to do my job and other ministry in a conversation on Friday night. Hannah and I were having ice cream at Macca’s sitting a table over from where I’d had an early dinner with a couple of youth who spent two hour peppering me with questions about Revelation 20 and random theology. I was celebrating with Hannah how grateful I was for the conversation with the high schoolers about how confusing passages in the Bible are worth studying carefully so that we can love Jesus and others better. However, that conversation also brought up how frustrating it is to be so limited by my disability.

Hannah was kindly saying how I do accomplish a lot for Jesus, but I still couldn’t help acknowledging, in order to grieve, the loss of capacity I live with.

By the grace of God, I have been placed in my sweet spot to actually serve well with this limited capacity. I would still love for the removal of my disability in order to have a full restoration of my capacity.