I have a lot of feelings. They are complex, and not all interrelated. The past week has been emotionally and physically demanding. I’m exhausted from it all. I’ve thought a lot about what I want to share on the second anniversary of my accident. In preparation, I’ve read and reread thoughts from several other people with SCIs reflecting on their own various anniversaries. People like Darla Greven, Steve Staint, and Ryan Atkins give me a lot of great perspective, and younger women like Cassidy Almquist and Emma Carey who are a couple years ahead on the SCI journey but a couple years younger than I am also are helpful in my processing. Emma has recovered significantly more than I have, but her thoughts about how she is more than her accident resonate with me deeply. She writes, “When something as major as this happens in your life, it’s hard to not let it define you and become your whole identity. People see me as either ‘the skydive accident girl’ or ‘the girl who learnt to walk again’ but I am both and neither of those things at the same time.” I understand because I’m more than ‘the girl who broke her back’ or ‘the teacher in a wheelchair.’ They are facts that can be used to describe part of who I am, but I’m so much more than that.
Back in July, Cassidy posted an update on her public Facebook page processing her emotions on her two year anniversary. She presented two options in how she faced the day – think of the tragic accident or think of the blessings that have come from it. She chose option number two – as do I.
Trauma is intimate and personal. I can’t imagine the trauma some of you have faced in your lives, but I know each of you process it differently. My friend Hanna watched me fall on her 23rd birthday, and this day is deeply emotional for her as it is for me. We have different emotions. Last year, I chose to have Jo come visit me as he’s one of the blessings from my accident. I’m so grateful for my friendship with him. This year I’ll get to spend the day celebrating other blessings that have come from my accident. I’m writing this early so that I can enjoy the day with my precious students and then spend the afternoon with one of my favorite nurses from REHAB before heading to choir practice in the evening.
Breaking my back was a formative event in my life, and it has made me a better person. I’m more empathetic, more compassionate, more loving, more patient, and more like Jesus. I wouldn’t trade that for the world. It wasn’t the path I wanted to take to get here, but it was so worth it. I recognize that there is nothing that could have given me this intimacy with Jesus that I gained through the taste of agony in those long, painful nights in the hospital. I recently shared with my students about that brief experience that showed me a glimpse of what Jesus went through willingly in the crucifixion. I treasure that gift. Furthermore, it’s given other people the opportunity to learn more about Jesus too. There are students of mine who have asked tough questions, readers here who’ve sought some answers about this loving Savior I serve. Were it just one person who learned something significant about Jesus, I’d do it all over again. I have new friends like Jo and Danai, like Isabelle and Alex, like Lydia and Sonja, who I’ve only been connected to because of this accident, and they too are a gift I’m eternally grateful for. I don’t take those gifts lightly, and I don’t want to give them up.
I’m better holistically as a human being two years after this life changing accident, and I want to continue making this world a better place. I want to be a blessing to others as I’ve been richly blessed. I want to seek hard after truth as I teach my students to do the same. I want to choose joy in the face of adversity. I want to be a part of this legacy of love that Jesus began.
(I’ve linked to the public pages of the people I mentioned in their names above. The specific entries written by Emma and Cassidy can be found by clicking here and here.)
