Incision

Get ready for a long post. Maybe skip a few paragraphs if you’re in a rush. Like after the indented material perhaps. It’s been a while since I’ve had a Demon Hunter inspired post, and I was just preparing my lesson for next Monday comparing Demon Hunter lyrics to the Psalms, so I thought I’d reflect a little here on some of their songs and how they relate to my holistic recovery process. I was on the fan site where the band posts some background on the inspiration or meaning of each song. This is the content for the song “Incision” off their album Storm the Gates of Hell

Incision deals with putting people on a pedestal. Often times, people like to think of certain others as immovable or unfailing, and they look to these people for a perfect example at all times. No human, aside from Jesus, should ever be looked at in that way. That kind of thinking will only bring disappointment and confusion.

This song explores two different perspectives. The perspective of someone who has been disappointed by someone that they thought was supposed to live a perfect life, and that person who might have failed them. The pressure that may accumulate from a situation like this is bound to break a person. True hope should only be placed in Christ, and no man. Christ will never fail you. Man will always fail you.

It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man. -Psalms 118: 8

This theme of people being unfairly or inappropriately idolized actually comes up in several songs, but I figured titling this post “Incision” was more of an eye catcher and might make you think I had another surgery or something. Just kidding. This is actually the song that pulled together that theme with a reference in the Psalms which was what I was searching for when I was lesson planning. 

So now to tell you how this theme and the Psalms fit into my week. This weekend was pretty awesome for me because I got to spend it with Tina, one of the most influential people in my life, who had a weekend off on a long business trip in Europe. Coffee dates with Tina (and Jen) have been a huge part of my spiritual formation. In fact, most people who’ve heard me tell the story of how I got to Germany know the process was set in motion after a coffee date with Tina and Jen where they challenged me to get uncomfortable and grow up (there was a little more nuance, but that was the gist of it). On Saturday, I showed Tina around my little village, and we stopped into the new coffee shop in town to share our hearts. It was a good day for my soul. One of the things I value most about my relationship with Tina (and Jen) is that they consistently challenge me to deepen my relationship with Jesus and live more like Jesus everyday. I never want to be satisfied with my spiritual walk, and these women are great role models for me in their constant pursuit and encouragement for me to strive for more as well. 

I’ve had several emails and skype calls with both Tina and Jen, but from the moment I confirmed I’d see Tina face to face, I knew I’d get a really good heart to heart about how I could grow next. One of the ways in which Tina challenged me was in sharing some of my fears and struggles here on my blog that I’ve kept hidden. I do try to be transparent with the masses who might read this, but it’s often hard for me to share the things that scare me most.

Reading the reflection on “Incision” tonight reminded me of what I shared with Tina about my fears of how people perceive me. I’m a representative of Christ with my actions, and I take that seriously, but I’m also still very much a flawed human who makes mistakes. You don’t need a laundry list of my sins, but you do need to be aware that if you put your hope in me, I will fail you (which happens to be the title of my favorite song of the newest Demon Hunter album that deals with the same theme).

I really genuinely am so grateful to testify about the miracles that I’ve received, and I’m equally desperate to have the rest of my physical health restored. Those emotions can coexist, and as they do, please remember that I’m no better than you because I choose to celebrate my successes louder (or more publicly) than I lament my losses. 

If you put me on a pedestal, I’m bound to fall off – balance is not my strong suit these days. I’m ready to topple at any moment, so make sure you set me somewhere secure, somewhere where you can hold on to me, like right next to you. That’s where Tina has me – which is another reason she and Jen are so influential in my life. They have walked alongside me in my faith journey as I walk alongside them. I know they are far from perfect – Jen is a huge Ducks fan – and they share the good and the bad with me so I can be encouraged as they see all sides of me.

I’ll try to be better about letting you know the downs alongside the ups – for example, after I walked without the left stick for those two days I wrote about last time, I was sore above my right hip all week. I’ve spent extra time in bed with a heating pad to try to ease the pain. I can still feel the tightness, and I’ve had to work with my therapists to loosen the muscles back, so I’ve held off on trying that cool trick again for a while. I’ll be honest, it feels like – no, it is – a set back, and I don’t like that. However, it’s where I’m at. 

As a side note, I’ve been teaching my students not to go mining for metaphors in biblical metaphors because that’s someone’s life you’re messing with. Don’t go digging for deeper meaning in my set backs, please. Instead, just join with me in praising God for what I’ve already got and begging for the rest back. Today, one of my students asked if he could pray over me later this week. It’s just a coincidence he’s one of the biggest Demon Hunter fans in the school other than me. We’ll meet for lunch tomorrow and like the song “Through the Black” says to God, “I’ll scream your name til you come back” because our faithful God is there for those who call on him. Will you join with me in my cry this week as I beg God for more function? I’m hopeful for the return of internal functions and new muscle movements. I don’t deserve anything back, but I’m still going to ask, expect, and celebrate the God who gave me the opportunity to teach my students about the Psalms by incorporating Demon Hunter music into my lessons.

Incision: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tBrNh6Y9Sw0

I Will Fail You: http://youtu.be/ni5mIBdNW2w

Ryan Clark Interview about I Will Fail You: http://youtu.be/KpBFJdgZBb0

Through the Black: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQsDyTFdER4

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