Holding Pattern

I’ve had a lot of people reach out and offer help or ask for updates regarding my last post. First off, thank you. Thank you to the people who told me they had my back even if the insurance didn’t; thank you to the people who told me they would fight with me; thank you to the people who just told me they loved me and that I was seen. It means a lot.

As for the update: well, there’s none. I resubmitted my claim last week – putting the information that had been mistyped into their EOB in all capital letters to prevent the same mistakes, but the insurance company doesn’t have a box to tick for rush jobs running late due to their incompetent workers. I have to wait 7 working days to follow up at the earliest… that’s Tuesday. Odds are, I’ll clear my morning on Wednesday and give them a call if I don’t hear anything Monday or Tuesday.

In the meantime, I read. And read, and read. I’ve read seven books in as many days. I’m not twiddling my thumbs here; I’m living my life.

I have some other things going on in other areas that are in a similar holding pattern that I can’t change. I’ve had close friends ask me, “Whatcha gonna do about that?” and other valid questions related to my hurt or frustration or anger about things outside of my control. They ask with a smile because they know I can’t change other people, but I can change my world when I act.

One of the books I finished reading this week is on a rather divisive public figure in American history. I was fascinated by the representation of this complicated and nuanced human because I’d grown up with a very vague demonized caricature of them while the book showed a slow and steady advocate for human rights that I’d never known. I’d only heard a sliver until this thick heavily footnoted volume presented me with a fuller picture. (Actually, full disclosure, I’d watched a biographical film on this person a couple of years ago and learned a lot of the nuance there, but this book gave even more details.) Now that this figure fades into history, a legacy is growing on two sides of a chasm often unwilling to listen to each other. I’m mostly intrigued in this leader’s life because I have hope for the legacy I might leave of slow and steady steps of kindness, dignity, and compassion.

One of the really, really good conversations I had this week was with my friend Brandi who is quick to challenge me on my assumptions in life. Friday as we hung out in the beautiful sunshine enjoying my view of the Kandern hillside, I admitted that while I know there are people in this community who don’t like me and that there are rumors about me that aren’t true, those rumors might not be as widely believe as I think they are. I’m not sure the final outcome on my reputation or legacy; that’s still in a holding pattern of sorts.

What I do know is that I’m taking faithful and intentional steps to care for my body well and love others fully. Please pray with me still that my insurance comes through and pays the bill properly this week, and here’s hoping that I have good news to share next week.

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